writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
