Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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