Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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