i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
