the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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