i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize