I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize