Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
