We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
