bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
