Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
