party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
