Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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