I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
