Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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