I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
