What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
