it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
