Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
