I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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