That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
be right there i have to get my cape
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
