Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
