5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
