Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
