The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
