I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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