will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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