I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
