The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i love accidental penises.
Farmville is her only friend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
