so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
