good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
