so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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