soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
