Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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