my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
