After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
