she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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