The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
