Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
