"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
