Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
