I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I met the friendliest cop last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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