My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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