glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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