can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
