I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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