Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
