If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
