I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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