you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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