We're facebook friends in real life
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
