I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
