what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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