i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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