did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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