eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
