upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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