I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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