where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
