apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize