You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
