Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
