Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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