Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
zippers are such a cool invention
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
