Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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