i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
