yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You can't special order awesome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
