I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
