need another drink. this is the easiest way
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
