Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
