Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you had me at cake vodka
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
