i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
