I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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