yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were destined to go to rehab together
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
