You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize