would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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