a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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