i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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