That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
