Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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