I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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