he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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