True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
