Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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