i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
