i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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