honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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