went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
