you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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