I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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