Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found your dick twin last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
