so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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