I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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