I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
