yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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