Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
