Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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