I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
