At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
