I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
