She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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